Cutting too close to the bone

I’m not proud of being a popular culture idiot, it restricts the quality of social interaction. In the interests of my betterment, I read Jezebel. For example, I learned that a woman named Heidi Montag had ten plastic surgeries in one day. I have no clue who she is or why she’s notable beyond her apparent disposable income. One surgery was a butt augmentation. I didn’t know you could do that. I’d been asking Santa for a butt for the past several years, having given up on the unfulfilled waist request but now realize I just need a heftier paycheck. Anyway, my attempts at polite cocktail conversation would normally go like this:

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Hapless cornered party guest: Did you hear Heidi Montag got a boob job? She’s an H cup!

Me, perplexed: Ah. Well. Really? Heidi? [looking around] Is she here? I don’t wear an H cup and apparently you don’t either. Say, do you sew? I’m a pattern maker…

HCPG interrupts: I think I’m going to be ill. Must lie down. [faints]
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But now, courtesty of Jezebel, my convos will go something like this:

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Hapless cornered party guest: Did you hear Heidi Montag got a boob job? She’s an H cup!

Me confidently, thanks to Jezebel: Yeah, I heard. Boy, I wonder what her underbust measures and what her back to front measurement differencial is. Bras will be structurally difficult; maybe they’ll use that spider silk to weave the straps. Did you know that pretty yellow is its natural color? Ounce for ounce, it’s 10 times stronger than steel. I wonder where they’re going to get the bra hardware to fit such a small span? The underwires will probably have to be custom machined or something. You know, I came up with this idea on how to make custom underwires with a certain kind of rigid boning, I should write about that. Takes a bit of shaping into a jig you have to build yourself but it’s all good, doesn’t take more than a bit of plywood cut to size and a few nails placed to shape -you’ll need to mount it of course. You can use an existing underwire to create the jig shaping pattern but I don’t trust push manufactured underwires and only suggest using one as a guideline. Speaking of the plywood and driving the nails, I like my circular saw and I have a really great nut driver set my husband but at the time boyfriend, got me for christmas, do you have one? He got me the deluxe 16 unit set. I felt special because he only got the 8 unit driver set for himself. Craftsman. That used to be a solid brand but now it’s dicey altho these particular ones are a good value, private label I’m sure. My circular saw and jig saw -now that I think about it, are Black and Decker. Don’t cringe, I know, I know but at least I didn’t get an off brand at Harbor Fright. Say, do you sew? I’m a pattern maker…

HCPG interrupts: I think I’m going to be ill. Must lie down. [faints]
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As you can see, Jezebel improves the quality of my life and that of those with whom I interact.

I don’t like all the stuff on that site. Big on opinion, low on facts. One of them persists on writing about the apparel industry. She’s articulate and smart but gets a lot of stuff wrong. But what would  I know? As a former model, she’s presumed to be some sort of authority. Then there’s another one who comes positively unglued over anything related to obesity and uses lots of naughty words. I’m not allowed to post comments there, the process is juried. You have to say something banal and insipid preferably with gratuitous expletives to be allowed to comment. They’ve never met me at a cocktail party so their censorship is truly indefensible.

Anyway, Jezebel published an article about Homeless Chic.

Vivienne Westwood’s menswear show on Sunday featured models in frostbitten makeup carrying bed rolls and pushing shopping carts down the runway. It also made us ponder the evolution of the curious (and strangely recurrent) trend known as “homeless chic.”

VW is far from the only one. Now, I realize that designer fashion is all about pushing limits but I really think this cuts too close to the bone. I realize that art is often a testament to that which we fear or extremes intended to upstage homogeneity but considering the nation’s economy, I find this heartless and unkind. If fashion is often accused of being out of touch, one need not look any further than this. Take it as you will but I am sad.

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